Friday, December 13, 2013

Tips For The Christmas Season!!!

Here are a few tips that were passed on to me from a friend, that I would like to pass on to my friends and family.

1.  Avoid carrot sticks!!!  Anyone who puts carrots on a Christmas buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately... don't walk, but RUN to the neighbors, where they are serving RUM BALLS.

2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can, and's RARE.  You can't find it any other time of the year but now.  So drink up!!!  Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.  It's a treat, so enjoy it.  Have one for me... hell, have two!  It's later than you think.... It's Christmas!

3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy.  Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes and fill it up with gravy.  Eat the volcano.  Repeat step #3.  

4.  As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.  If it's skim, pass them up.  Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission... it's just not right!

5.  DO NOT have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.  Lots of it...HELLO!!!

6.  Under NO circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.  You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10 pound plate of food, and that vat of eggnog.

7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge for anyone.  Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8.  Same goes for pies... apple... pumpkin...mincemeat.  Have a slice of each.  Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.  Always have three.  When else do you get to have more than one dessert?  Labor Day???

9.  Did someone mention fruitcake?  Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean jeez, you have to have some standards!

10.  One final tip:  If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.  Reread tips; start over, but hurry... January is just around the corner.

And most of all, have a splendid Christmas Season!

Until next time...